Scary Princess Double Bills
Sydney Morning Herald
Thursday December 4, 2008
TODAY is supposed to be the last day of Federal Parliament for the year.
But, as usual, a sizeable backlog of legislation is prompting dire talk of late sittings, Friday sittings and even Monday sittings so the Government can shove the bills it needs through the Senate.Principal among these is the $28 billion private schools funding bill, which delivers dough to private schools on condition they sign up to the national curriculum, which is one of the central tenets of the education Kevolution. The Opposition, backed by the Family First senator, Steve Fielding, doesn't like the element of compulsion; every time the bill goes to the Senate, they chop off the bit about the national curriculum and send it back to the House of Representatives. The Education Minister, Julia Gillard, is not happy about the Senate chopping bits off her bill. She would like it passed as it is. And yesterday, she decided to dial up the pressure a bit. At 10.17am, she swept into the Prime Minister's Blue Room to stage a news conference. Shepherded into the room in front of her were Bill Daniels and Bill Griffiths - two gentlemen who represent the interests of independent schools and Catholic schools respectively. An educational double Bill, in other words. Both hostages looked slightly on edge, as you would expect. The deputy PM introduced them in turn, and announced calmly that Bill and Bill were going to outline their love and support for her bill.She also explained that she was going to have to leave in eight minutes. Bill and Bill stared straight ahead. They should have been holding up copies of yesterday's newspaper. Independent Schools Bill went first. "We regard it as absolutely essential that this legislation is passed to give schools and parents the certainty they need," he said in neutral tones, no doubt sensitive to the firm but discreet pressure of La Gillardine's pearl-handled revolver in the small of his back. Catholic Schools Bill went next, denouncing the Opposition and Senator Fielding, while beside him La Gillardine - the flame-haired warrior princess of the Kevolution - smiled her inscrutable smile. Having done what the scary lady wanted, both Bills were allowed to leave, while their tormentor slipped away to terrorise the House of Representatives. Christopher Pyne, the Opposition spokesman on education, enjoys playing the role of Scarlet Pimpernel opposite La Gillardine. He does not fear her - why should he? He suffered far worse under the previous oppressive monarchistic regime, in which he was cruelly persecuted for his loyalty to the exiled Dauphin, Peter Costello. In Parliament, Mr Pyne nips and parries away at La Gillardine, and never allows her a moment's peace. When she announced during question time yesterday that she had just fired off a letter to every private school in Australia, explaining that their funding was under threat thanks to the Senate, Mr Pyne slumped back in his seat in mock devastation. "You're writing a firmly worded letter? How wounding!" he shrieked.
© 2008 Sydney Morning Herald